


Meet the Lusus

by FallacyFallacy



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Alien Biology, Established Relationship, Fluff, Humour, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-18
Updated: 2011-02-18
Packaged: 2017-10-15 18:18:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/163557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallacyFallacy/pseuds/FallacyFallacy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For this prompt on the Homestuck request meme - After they're reunited John's dad walks in on his son and that strange alien boy who's been hanging around yelling at him in a compromising position and realizes that it's time to have The Talk. With both of them. And a heaping side order of the 'Convince me you're good enough for my child' talk along with it.<br/>Troll society has left poor Karkat is completely unprepared for either part of this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meet the Lusus

**Author's Note:**

> This was so much fun to write! Although, writing dialogue for a character that never once speaks in canon (i.e. Dad) is unsurprisingly difficult. I hope I stumbled upon something that sounds natural?

“So this is it.” Karkat squints up at it. It's very – bright. And hot. Actually, all of this stupid planet the humans created is like that. It's all light and hurts his eyes and burns his fucking skin raw unless he practically walks around with ice strapped to his abdomen. Apparently Earth was like that, too, and fuck, it's no wonder his species ended up so fucking retarded if they had to deal with this all day. It's no wonder their thinkpans turned into mush.

 

In fact, he's pretty certain it's already happening to him just standing in this heat because John replies “Yep, this is it!” and Karkat doesn't even feel like punching him in the face all that much. Not that what he said was all that stupid - especially considering the kind of shit that normally flows from this especially idiot human's mouth – it's just that wanting to punch someone in the face is kind of Karkat's default state and anything that manages to make him feel it _less_ is kind of fucking amazing.

 

He wants to say the hive looks stupid, but it doesn't really. Not compared to the kind of crap he saw back on Alternia. It kind of shows when you trust the designing of houses not to incompetent, ignorant grubs but instead to slightly less incompetent and ignorant adults.

 

“Looks stupid.”

 

John shrugs. “Yeah, kinda a weird shape, isn't it? It's home, though!”

 

Which is _also_ stupid. Living somewhere doesn't make it look less stupid. You just get used to the stupidity. Which is clearly what is happening here.

 

They go inside and down a hallway. “This is my room!” John opens the door and looks around, hands on his hips. It's pretty bare – just a weird couch-like thing Karkat has been informed is what humans use instead of a recuperacoon, a cabinet, and some assorted junk John must've alchemized. “It's too bad I wasn't able to keep any of my posters, though...”

 

“What, your posters of your fucking crappy movies that made me want to put a bullet to my thinkpan just hearing about them?”

 

“Hey, they were good movies!” John whines. “And I _know_ they were better than those shitty chick flicks you always used to watch!”

 

“Oh my gog, just stop talking, all right, you have _no fucking idea_ what those movies were like. They were fucking _works of art_ , a thousand times – no, _infinitely_ – more complex and engaging than your nookstains of an attempt to not make my brains fall out of my ears from sheer stupidity.”

 

“Well, if you're going to say that, it's not like you ever watched my movies, either! In fact, I think you could've actually liked some of them! Like...Failure to Launch! It had Matthew McConaughey in it?”

 

Karkat frowns. “Troll Matthew McConaughey? Maybe your species wasn't quite so fucking tasteless as I thought.”

 

John brightens. “I know, right?! He's sooo good! He even managed to make Failure to Launch good!”

 

“Wait a minute. Are you talking about 'in which one attractive woman attempts to convince several unpleasant, ugly men to leave their lususes-'”

 

“Uh, yeah? That sounds about right.”

 

“Fuck you, man. Fuck. You. That movie was a fucking masterpiece, you dickbag, and the very fact that you, surprise surprise, failed to appreciate such a work of _greatness_ among-”

 

“Oh my god would you shut up,” John says and then he kisses him.

 

Karkat growls, but John unsurprisingly fails to react so he stops. Kissing a human feels...weird. Not like kissing a troll. Not that he's had much experience with the latter, but he _did_ almost kiss Terezi once ages ago before she'd ever even heard of Sgrub let alone Strider and he _has_ seen a lot of movies so he thinks he has a pretty good idea what it'd be like anyway. It's a lot wetter than he expected, and at first Karkat's fangs kept getting in the way, which he's sure would never happen between trolls because he never, ever saw that happen in any of his movies. In fact, at first kissing Egbert royally sucked. And not even the good kind of suck, where it was obvious Egbert was deliberately making it bad for him just to enrage him more, but the bad kind of suck where they were trying to make it good but just failing at it. But then they tried it different ways and did it some more and it started to not suck. And Karkat tried to keep hating it but it got more and more difficult, and after a while it just felt like all this trying to hate was just getting in the way. Like he'd be kissing him and then he'd be thinking 'wait, fuck, I'm supposed to hate this' and then he'd spend a stupid amount of time trying to figure out if he could still remember how to hate kissing John and then John would get all confused and ask what was wrong.

 

And he realized that past him had been kind of fucking oblivious, anyway, trying to act like he had something caliginous going on with John when it was pretty obviously flushed. He should have been above that kind of shit, pretending he was in one quadrant when he was clearly in another. That was exactly the kind of thing he had always been good at pointing out in others. Gog forbid he become more like _Serket_. And yet, when it came to himself, once again he acted like a fucking imbecile. Big surprise.

 

It's kinda hard, though. Matespritship was always the quadrant he was least adept in and now that he has to mix in all kinds of retarded 'boyfriend' crap to please John it's become a lot more complicated. In theory it's quite interesting, exploring the different sociological ways the two races approach romance, but in real life it's just hard. He's not used to pity. Or he is, but he's not good at expressing it. He told Vriska once that she burned herself out trying to be black all the time that she screwed herself out of ever being a good red _or_ black partner, but sometimes he wonders if a little bit of that doesn't apply to past and present him, too. Sometimes he wishes he had someone else to talk about all this with, but the only Troll whose advice he ever trusted was Kanaya's and she made it obvious that this appearance of sanity did not apply in the field of romance when she got a flushed crush on _Vriska_ of all people. Past him always used to long for a kismesis, but now that he's surrounded by people who don't even seem to know what the word 'quadrant' means he wonders whether he'll miss never having a proper moirail just as much.

 

But despite all of that, this thing between him and Egbert isn't actually a complete failure. It is surprisingly easy to pity him, even now that all that Sgrub shit is over, and John seems to understand him even when he's not good at conveying his thoughts. When he's around John he usually doesn't want to punch anything all that much, and sometimes – like now, like when they're kissing like this – he doesn't want to punch anything at all. Not even Eridan. Well, okay, yeah, he still wants to punch that stupid smug-faced little hipster wizard-wannabe. Asking someone to not want to punch him is like asking the sun to stop shining so gogdamn bright. It is an immutable fact of his existence that people will want to punch him. But he doesn't normally think that sort of thing when they're doing stuff like this. It's actually a little bit calming, which would confuse him because that's usually the role of a moirail but he's intelligent enough to understand that of course there's going to be a bit of overlap here, they're both fucking red quadrants for gog's sake, it's obvious they'll have some stuff in common. But it was surprising. But...not awful. A lot not awful.

 

So he's standing there thinking over all this fucking sentimental hoofbeastshit while John is kissing him and he's just thinking that John must have something sharp in his pocket because it's poking him and it's making him angry again when the door flies open and an adult human walks in.

 

Karkat freezes.

 

There is _smoke_. There is smoke _coming out of this adult's mouth_ , through that wooden thing. For a few moments he wonders hysterically whether adult humans breathe fire like those dragons Terezi is fucking obsessed with, but then realizes that that's a fucking stupid idea and immediately hates himself for having considered it even for an instant. _What the fuck, past me, it's clearly coming from the wooden thing. I think._

 

“Dad! I thought you weren't coming home until later?” John whines and Karkat relaxes, just a tiny bit. That's right, John had said something about his lusus coming over later. (He knows it's actually called a 'parent' and not a 'lusus' but parent is a stupid word and lusus is much better anyway. In fact, most Alternian words are better than their human counterparts. If not _all_. He refuses to just give into their vocabulary like that, like some kind of submissive virgin. When he says lusus he means _lusus_.) So he relaxes because he understands a bit more about what's going on but only a little bit because _John_ had been the one reassuring him that his dad was completely safe and if there's anything Karkat has learned about John so far it is that he is the single worst gogdamn judge of character Karkat has ever met. Sure, Kanaya became flushed for Vriska, but at least she was only stupid enough to do that once and never got herself killed by _one_ psychotic troll female only to do _the exact same thing again_ with another later on, unlike _someone_ Karkat knows. Or...well, okay, sure, maybe Tavros was almost as bad in that respect, but that's another thing. And as for Equius... Okay, fuck, let's just say that Karkat is so surrounded by complete morons that making comparative statements like this is fucking pointless, anyway. John still has a stupid amount of difficulty grasping the idea that anyone might ever have anything other than his best interests at heart. It is probably the only reason why he ever wanted to get into this kind of relationship with Karkat in the first place, really.

 

So, he's not really sure what to do. His instinctive reaction is to be as loud and obnoxious and defensive as possible, but for sadly not the first time in his life his survival instincts are kicking in and telling him that that would be a Very Bad Idea. He knows John's said that human adults aren't like troll adults, he _knows_ that, but it's just so... _weird_. Troll children and adults don't come into contact very often and when they do it is rarely to the betterment of the child. No matter how much John had protested his wariness, he still flinches when John's lusus removes the wood from his mouth to speak.

 

“Son,” he says quietly, “I am very pleased to see that you have found yourself a partner to share yourself with. Although I am disappointed that you did not choose to tell me that you had done so or that you were attracted to males, I respect your desire for privacy and understand why you may have wished to keep such things from me. I am happy simply knowing that you are happy. I am so proud of you, son.”

 

John rolls his eyes but Karkat's still pretty freaked out. In fact, he is considerably more freaked out than he was just before. John's lusus is so... _nice_. It's fucking creepy. He thinks he'd actually prefer it if he'd flipped out and started griefing with Karkat 'cause then at least he'd have a gogdamn frame of reference to put this into. Watching this is like watching a hoofbeast walk on two legs, although using that phrase is just reminding him of Equius' high art and okay, yeah, this isn't making him quite as uneasy as that ever did, but he's pretty sure _nothing_ else will ever achieve _that_ great honor.

 

It is so fucking _uncomfortable_ , though. He literally has no idea what to do. In fear and uncertainty, he keeps his mouth shut. John sends him weird looks now and then but fuck it if he's not taking any unnecessary chances here.

 

“If you do not have any other plans, I would be very pleased if I could have a conversation with you young men presently?”

 

John sighs. “Fine...” he says and looks at Karkat again but this time it looks a little sympathetic and great, just when Karkat was beginning to lower his guard he finds himself clamming up again. Fuck this.

 

They follow John's lusus downstairs and into the kitchen, sitting down at the table. John's lusus watches them for a few moments. Smoke comes from his mouth again; Karkat jumps.

 

“I apologize for prying,” he says, “but I could not help but notice that you are not human?”

 

Karkat stares at him. Wait...what?! He turns quickly to John, resisting the truly massive temptation to facepalm. Isn't that the first thing he should have said?! Fuck, isn't that something John should have mentioned in the first place?!

 

John is turning between them, looking a little guilty. “Er, sorry...um, I meant to tell you everything, but then yesterday we'd just met up again and I just kinda wanted everything to be normal, a bit...”

 

Karkat glowers.

 

“Um...anyway. Yeah, dad, Karkat isn't human. It's kinda a long story... See, he comes from another planet, called Alternia. He's a troll. Er...their planet kinda got destroyed so Karkat and a couple of his friends came here with us. They played Sburb, too... you – you know about that, right...?”

 

John's lusus nods.

 

“Well...yeah. That's really all there is to say on the matter?”

 

John goes quiet; John's lusus is still nodding. Karkat frowns. This guy isn't turning out to be nearly the threat Karkat expected him to be. Fuck, maybe this is all some trick or whatever, but from what he's seen of humans so far he doubts their ability to be this good at acting. He's increasingly beginning to think that this guy is just an idiot.

 

“I'd like to ask you a few questions, Karkat, if that is okay?”

 

Karkat stares at him. “Fine,” he mutters.

 

John is smiling at him. Despite the instinctive pleasure that goes through Karkat at the knowledge that his matesprit is pleased with him, in this situation he cannot help but think that he's doing it wrong here.

 

“How old are you?”

 

Fuck, what the hell kind of question is that? What, does he think one of them's some creepy older pedophile or something?! Can't he tell by looking at him? “Six.”

 

“And how old is that in earth years...?”

 

“Well, I don't fucking know, do I? What possible reason could I have for keeping such a gogdamn useless conversion rate in my thinkpan?”

 

John is glaring at him, now. Well, if nothing else Karkat's feeling a lot more comfortable, now, so he ignores him.

 

John's lusus looks at him blankly. “Karkat, I don't know how it is for your species but in our house we try to avoid swearing.”

 

“What the fuck? This is seriously bothering you, the fact that I am using certain words? That these sounds are coming out in a certain order from my mouth? Your delicate fucking sensibilities are being threatened because some kid-”

 

“Um, dad,” John cuts in, looking a little frantic. “Actually, uh, this is normal for him...”

 

John's lusus looks at him.

 

“That is...I mean...his species! It's normal for his species to swear a lot. Like, an intensifying thing, and stuff.” Under the table, he kicks Karkat.

 

“Yeah, have some cultural sensitivity, dipshit.” Apparently that was not the backing up John desired because he kicks him again; this time, Karkat glares at him.

 

“So Karkat, what do you intend to become after you finish school?”

 

School? Jegus, it's like this guy can't get the whole 'alien' thing through his head. It sounds like he's talking about work, though, which is just another thing that is enraging him. “Well, how the fuck would I know? I only just came to this planet the other day, didn't I? It's not like my first action on stepping down on some new world was to check the fucking classifieds in the newspaper!”

 

“Well, if you were still on your old planet, what would your ambitions have been.”

 

“To join the Threshcutioners,” Karkat replies proudly. Finally, a question actually worth replying to!

 

“And what is that?”

 

“They're the most lethal members of troll society. All sensible-minded trolls look up to and fear them.” Karkat is actually pretty pleased with how this is going, for once – what lusus wouldn't want their troll to have a matesprit who was part of the Threshcutioners? - but John is staring at him with something akin to horror for some reason. Why, what the fuck is he supposed to be saying? It's not like none of this is true or anything. Or does John think he's not good enough to join the Threshcutioners? Fuck him, he was good enough before Sgrub and he's sure as hell good enough now. Well, would be if they still existed, anyway.

 

“And what are your intentions with my son?”

 

Karkat blushes crimson. Isn't it obvious?! Wait, fuck, these humans don't even have quadrants, so what the fuck is this supposed to mean?! What other kind of intentions can there even be, other than the obvious?! “Well, what do you fucking think?” he says, a little more high-pitched than usual. Jegus, what is he going to ask next, how far they've gotten?!

 

“Hmmm. Well, I would just like to remind you, Karkat, that if you ever do anything to harm my beloved son I will make sure that you regret it.”

 

Oh jegus fuck.

 

Karkat freezes, staring at John's lusus in horror. He knew it. He fucking knew it, knew he shouldn't let his guard down, but he did and he should have fucking known this would happen. John is an idiot, a tiny nook-licking grub who knows nothing at all ever and his lusus is a fucking psychopath. Which is so fucking surprising, because it's not like all of John's other friends are not all psychopaths themselves.

 

“Daaaaaad,” John moans and Karkat wants to kill him. His lusus just threatened him and that's the best he can do to respond?! His lusus just gave him what Karkat is pretty sure is a death threat and John doesn't even bother to defend his matesprit? What the fuck was he thinking, getting into this with a human?!

 

He's quiet, though. Karkat is an idiot at the best of times, but even he's not stupid enough to enrage the adult who just threatened him.

 

“Well, now that that has been settled, I'd like to discuss another matter that I believe has become relevant. I think it is time, John.”

 

John's eyes go wide. “No,” he says, voice quiet, terrified. Karkat's blood goes cold – John is scared? Fuck. Jegus fuck. This shit is goddamn _real_. “No, no, no, no, no.” What is it time for? What will they discuss? How he is going to torture them and dispose of their bodies? What's going on?! He doesn't understand but it must be horrible, it must be awful, if after everything that's happened, everything they've gone through, John is still capable of being scared, of looking that gogdamn horrified...!

 

Karkat panics, eyes darting around. What can he do? Escape? But John isn't moving, just sitting there, staring forward. Maybe he's paralyzed with fear?

 

Expression blank as always, John's lusus stands, leaving the room. Heart thumping wildly in his side, Karkat lunges to the side and whispers as loudly as he dares, “quickly, let's go, there's an exit behind me.”

 

John shakes his head, refusing to look Karkat in the eye. “No. No, it's got to happen eventually. May as well be now, I guess...”

 

What?! This isn't like him. John, just sitting there and taking it? Letting himself go, just like that?

 

Oh fuck. Oh – oh fuck.

 

He just – he just stares at John, pleading him to look at him, give him something, anything, and after a moment he finally does, turning his head just slightly in Karkat's direction.

 

“I am so sorry,” he says. “That you'll have to go through this.”

 

“We don't have to,” he hisses, urging, trying. “We can leave, there's still time-”

 

The door opens behind him and Karkat almost leaps out of his skin, jumping into an upright position on his chair. He shivers, violently.

 

John's lusus places a book on the table. Sitting down and clasping his hands over it, he says solemnly, “If you are going to be in a relationship with my son, Karkat, it will be very important for you to learn the basics of Human reproduction.”

 

Oh.

 

Oh _gog._

 

This is _so much worse_ than he expected, he cannot find the words to describe it.

 

If this guy even begins to say the word 'bucket' he is _fucking out of here._

 

John's lusus opens the book, holding up a page for Karkat and John to see. On it is an image of some disgusting creature, grub-like and wrinkly, in the same revolting color that tints humans' skin. It is unutterably hideous.

 

“What the fuck is that?!” he cries, shocked into action.

 

“This is a human penis.”

 

“Oh, is that what it is?! Just that?! Because that was so fucking helpful, what you just said, I feel so gogdamn fucking informed right now, I am like troll gogdamn Einstein, here, excuse me while I go out and dance a little jig and shout 'Eureka' to the heavens because suddenly, I understand everything.”

 

John is looking at him weirdly. “Uhhh...”

 

“Is it not the same for your species?” John's lusus asks slowly.

 

“Of course fucking not why would you show me something like this this is disgusting!”

 

“But, Karkat,” John's lusus asks, looking genuinely confused, “if you are disgusted by male Human anatomy why are you in a sexual relationship with a Human male?”

 

There are – there are _so many fucking things_ he could say to that he does not even know where to _begin_ , he's pretty sure he's spluttering and his face is bright red, he has never felt so – so _grubfucking_ -

 

“Um, I think we should move on,” John says frantically, glancing between Karkat and his lusus.

 

So he does.

 

And, well, Karkat had wanted an explanation? He takes it back. He sincerely wishes he had never created that thought in his head. If he could, at this present moment, turn back time and kill past him before he ever gave any indication whatsoever that an explanation was desired he would do so immediately. If he had ever wanted confirmation that past him was the worst excuse for a living creature ever to grace this or any other universe, this event has convinced him.

 

There are _diagrams_. And lectures on _function_ and _appearance_ and _method_ and why is he showing them this, why is he really, is he some sick pedo who gets off on the idea of showing pubescent kids disgusting human pornography? Or is this just some kind of twisted torture, punishment for some great sin he believes they've committed?

 

“And this is a vagina,” John's lusus continues, and isn't that just wonderful, another truly awful word he never ever wants to hear again, and by gog if this picture isn't even more terrible than the first, the folds, oh gog the _folds_!

 

“Um,” John suddenly squeaks, his first word in what has felt like days. “I don't think that's really very relevant, do you? I mean, 'cause Karkat's a guy and all. We can probably skip that part!”

 

Karkat's heart leaps in his throat. If there is anything, anything they could do to make this last a shorter amount of time, he would do it. He would be completely willing to cut off his arm at this point if it would end this conversation sooner.

 

Actually, that isn't so bad an idea...he'd have to be quick, though, to get his sickle out and do it before anyone noticed...

 

John's lusus pauses. “I understand and am grateful for your input, John. However, I believe a working understanding of both male and female bodies is required for all healthy adults. However, I accept your advice, and agree that including a section on homoesexual intercourse would be beneficial to you both.”

 

John makes an odd gurgling sound. Karkat doesn't even care anymore.

 

It's like a trainwreck – watching and listening is slowly making him bleed from every orifice, and yet he cannot turn away, cannot block it out. Every picture is more horrible than the last, every sound spewed from this hateful man's mouth bringing Karkat closer and closer to the brink. He'll just flip out and start slashing everywhere, killing everyone and everything in sight, turned insane from egregious sexual education. There will be no survivors.

 

Finally, finally, after more agony than Karkat can process, it is over. There is no more talk of 'testicles' or 'menstruation' or 'fertilization'. There are no more photographs. Karkat could weep.

 

For a few moments there is silence – blessed, blessed silence – before John's lusus says suddenly in his quiet voice, “So, how does reproduction occur on your planet, Karkat?”

 

No.

 

Way.

 

No. FUCKING. Way.

 

He stands in an instant, almost upending the table. “FUCK YOU, FUCK ALL OF YOU, FUCK THIS SHIT, I AM FUCKING OUT OF HERE, OH MY FUCKING GOG.” Shaking with rage and humiliation, skin tinted an unhealthy bright red, Karkat storms from the house, almost ripping the door from its hinges as he slams it.

 

John and his dad watch.

 

“Son,” dad says carefully, “I respect your choices and acknowledge that it is your right to choose whichever romantic partner you believe suits you best. However, as a loving father I feel obliged to inform you that I am slightly unsure of this young man's ability to cater to your emotional needs.”

 

John sighs.

 

“I should, uh. Go after him?” He's not sure why he phrases it as a question. Of course he has to go after him! That's what you do when your boyfriend gets angry about something else, right?

 

Deep down, though, he almost wants his dad to encourage him otherwise. He's seen Karkat angry before – shit, he's not actually convinced that Karkat doesn't judge emotions based on the degree and type of anger he feels – but never like this. And never about something as important as this.

 

But John's dad nods, so John gets up and tentatively follows Karkat out the door. He's standing in the middle of the street, fists clenched, breathing heavily. Around him, the various inhabitants of this world look at him curiously. John ignores them.

 

“Karkat,” he says, trying to take his boyfriend's arm but Karkat wrenches it away. John flinches.

 

When everyone first found out that he and Karkat were going to be matesprits, reactions were...mixed. However, what almost everyone seemed to agree on was that it wouldn't work out. Even Rose and Dave seemed to believe that. But John had never doubted them. Even if Karkat wasn't always the most demonstrative guy, he just always knew how he felt about him. Karkat wasn't the kind of person to make big, dramatic declarations of love, but that was okay. It was almost cute, anyway. Like he was that kind of girl in movies who tries to be all strong at first and argues a lot with the main character but everyone can tell she's falling in love with him anyway. So he'd never really thought that this thing between them might actually end.

 

Until now.

 

“Karkat...” He swallows. “Do you...”

 

“Just fucking say it already, jegus fucking christ, I do NOT have the patience for this shit.”

 

“Do you...still want...us to be together?”

 

For a few moments, Karkat doesn't say anything at all. He just – stands there, shaking, fists clenched even tighter. “Do you have any nook-sucking idea what I just sat through?! Were you even there, for even one tiny moment of that abortion of an event? It was the single worst thing that has ever happened to any person in living memory. From this moment onwards, all history will be recorded depending on whether it happened before or after that – that _thing_. It is the event by which all other events will be judged, invariably in the negative, in the sense 'no, that thing that happened wasn't nearly as bad as that one was', because nothing as bad as that will or could possibly ever happen again. It was like a black hole of inducing people into suicide, sucking in all the horrible things in the universe towards it until it reaches critical mass and the entire world is destroyed due to how awful that last couple of hours was! They should give me a fucking medal for endurance, because if sitting through that didn't make me kill myself from despair then clearly I never will. If I ever have to go through anything half as bad as that again, shoot me now and end my misery before I claw my own brain out through my eyeballs myself.”

 

With every word, John's stomach sinks a little lower. By the end, he's numb.

 

“So. That's it.”

 

“What's _it_ ,” Karkat spits.

 

“We're...broken up.”

 

Karkat spins around to face him and John shakes his head, blinking. Of course they are. How could he expect Karkat to still want to be with him after everything that just happened? Stupid, stupid, stupid.

 

“Fucking shitting hell, you humans are so fucking dense it's a wonder I still possess gray matter at _all_ given all the time I've spent around you.” He steps closer, pushing his face close to John's “Do you really think, Egbert, do you _really and truly honestly believe_ that I would have sat through even a SECOND of that unadulterated hoofbeastshit if I wanted to break up with you?! At any point, at ANY POINT of that I could have just stood up and walked out, but I didn't. Boy, I sure wonder why! I'm sure there wasn't a completely obvious and sensible reason for that, because I am a complete and utter moron at all times and do not own the ability to reach logical conclusions on my own!” He snorts, nostrils flaring. “Does that not fucking tell you something?!”

 

John knows he's probably making that goofy grin Karkat always pays him out about but he can't help it. Karkat still wants to be his boyfriend! But...his mood darkens again.

 

“But...” He frowns. “But, uh, well, my dad made it seem a... _lot_ worse than it really is, but all that stuff he said about human, um, reproduction and all...it's still true. And...if you really do think all that's disgusting or whatever, then...”

 

Karkat sighs melodramatically. “Do you know how revolting kissing was with you in the beginning? And I'm still gogdamn doing that, aren't I? Fuck knows why...”

 

“So...you think we could make it work?” John says slowly, thinking it over. Yeah. Yeah! They could do this, he knows they could! If they could defeat Sburb, they can do anything! There doing this man – there making this hapen!!

 

“Is there an echo out here? Or did I not just say that?!” But Karkat's a bit quieter, now, muttering more than yelling.

 

“No, that's – that's good. That's great!” John grins. Normally this would be the point where Karkat frowns and says something flippant about how stupid John looks right now, but for some reason this time he's not. He's just...looking at John, cheeks a little red.

 

Karkat bites his lip. “Dumbass,” he mutters before grabbing the back of John's neck and dragging him forward into a kiss.

 

So yeah, not everything is perfect. They still fight. And the other guys still don't all believe that this will work. And John is honestly a little terrified at the moment about what troll genitalia looks like if it is really so radically different to humans'.

 

But he loves Karkat and Karkat loves him (or 'pities' him, or whatever he wants to call it, John knows it's still love) and John has always firmly believed that love can conquer all.


End file.
